Is it all worth?

Spent the last two hours or so rotting online, snooping around blogs peeping in on people's lives, some little heartbreaks filled with the sorrow of parting (dear l, be strong! :), some of people I no longer speak to but keep tabs on, secretly to motivate myself to try and attempt to live that sort of go-getting exciting happening life. I wonder whether a person's looks determine your quality of life to a certain extent. It's all so stereotyped - the fat loser walking around in the alley with the same type of shirt all the time because nothing else fits and that kind of shirt hides your fats. The good-looker looking good in anything, living the high life attending parties, getting ahead of you at bowling and in life, loved by all because of his good looks and character that comes along with it. While fatty hides in the background unwilling to come under the spotlight because he's ugly and life is ugly to the ugly.

That's shit right? But I'm thinking if I go staple my stomach and shrink to half my size whether my quality of life will improve drastically. Healthwise yes... relationship wise yes... confidence wise yes... career wise definitely yes... happinesswise yes? So you can't blame people for going for plastic surgery actually, if they really feel that it helps improve their quality of life. Single-eyelids to double-eyelids can make a world of difference. How? Just observe around you... Some people feel more powerful with smaller thighs (as fucking ridiculous as it sounds) I used to feel more powerful with spikey hair and lots of clay and wax to go with it but with my recent exposure to the real world I've learnt to just fuck it because there are days where I just want to have flat hair and be rid of the clay that sticks onto my hair.

I've also realised that it really helps to be receptive to scoldings and advice. To put on a smile on your face regardless of how fucked up you feel inside, cos the last thing you want to do is fuck other people's days up too.

There are so many things I want to do, changes I want to implement, experiences I want to try. I wonder if the key to all these is looking beautiful (and having a brain) (and heart?)

Sometimes it's just so damn tiring trying hard all the time. I've been trying real hard at work, with her, with bowling, with life. And then when you're sick and tired of trying hard and you take a break, it really makes you rethink why the hell are you trying so hard for? When you know that you'll prolly get nothing in return.